Consider this as my contemplation notes as I am going through my 25th day by day. Less than a year, I’ll turn 26 and I don’t know why but I got the sense that once I leave 26, then my life would not be as enjoyable as ever before.

Let’s review the life that I’ve been in the last 10 years, since I went to high school, college, and me in this not-really-my-dreamjob position.

Me in high school was so naive. Thinking that everyone’s life is supposed to be straight, that everything that was not following the rules should be denied harshly. I used to yell so loud and fight so hard. Hoping that everyone that not really comply the rules would hear and then back to the “right” path. I didn’t realize at that time than everyone was driven by their own definition of “right” and my definition might be not the same to theirs. That was why… however loud I yell or hard I fight, doesn’t matter how much my effort, most of them will only turn to waste.

The high school me was so dramatic. I was thinking that the life I’ve been in had a scenario and of course I am the main character of the story. I processed all things happened in my life at that time dramatically and refused to see another way out. I refused the multi-paths concept which allow me to imagine a very contrast scenario to the one that I was in, or in other way: allow me to look for another solution to my problems.

At that time, I always see that all my problems only had one solution, so when that one solution was not working, I thought that it’s not because the solution is not right, but because it’s not the time yet. Yes, the only dynamic dimension I recognized that time was “time”. I believed that the not-working solution would be worked eventually. The high school me also believed that everyone is basically good. Only bad habit that turns them bad. Oh, yes, I distinguished people into two categories: good and bad. If someone is not bad, then he/she must be good. Cliche, right?

For the love dimension… as before, I only had crush on one person and as I told before, I thought that he’s the one and we only need time to make it happen. Little did I know, that is the worst way to see the love dimension.

As time flies, I grew up.

The college me came across the new approach to see life and people in it. I can see that no one is actually good or bad, people has always have this two side inside them. It’s not good or bad that we should define, but people’s value. Yes, value is my new approach in defining human. I saw lots of ideas and values that lay inside people around me. All of my friends are shining with their ambitions as the manifestation of their values. People with the same values tend to gather, sometimes they established a rigid community, but sometimes the just hang out together. I saw that everyone define their own home, which of course not necessarily the place. Sometimes, home is wherever we feel welcomed, and it’s usually the circle that gathered people with the same values.

Me in college also knew the politic for the first time. Therefore, for the first time I understand that one solution to address problems won’t be enough. It’s not only time that we should consider to be the dynamic dimension of life. People themselves are also the dynamic dimension, don’t forget interest and motivation that can be easily influenced. All those things were not written in any “problem solving handbook” but of course we can not ignore them.

Also, I no longer saw that this life has this one scenario where I am the main character. I see this life as a blank paper, where I can write whatever the hell I desire. I can be the main character, I can be the side one, or it can be changed over time. It’s all up to me because in life, we are not facing “multiple choices”, instead we face the “essay questions”. Really I can be anything, whatever random it is. It’s my life and the only thing I must consider is the consequences. Everything else are optional.

My college life seemed so enjoyable, right? Well, it was!

I was an adventurer, I tried so many things back then. I came home at dawn, not going home for days or week, I slept in campus or any place I could find, I go to Jakarta for the demo, I did everything I want. Even in my love life, I did many things within my safe line. I flirted with at least 5 different people back then and even broke people’s heart. Well, I hated love commitment, but I enjoyed the “watch movie” and “intimate dinner” part. LMAO.

Unfortunately, as I graduated, my free life should be ended and I am forced by time to be more responsible and wise.

And, we arrived to this time. This exact time when I am a full office worker, with Apple products, high-priced cafė latte, tier 1 airplane tickets, and the responsibility that stick to all the priviliges. I’d be honest that it’s really not one of my dream job. I looked comfortable with all the proviliges, even the responsibility, but actually I missed the freedom. A lot. However, everytime I thought of quiting this, I never found an appropriate reason.

Anyway, I will tell today’s story more detail next time because my plan is about to land now. See you soon.